Jenel's Critique of "Blood In My Eyes" by Dennis

           This is a poem written about getting shot, being close to dying, and the thoughts that go through a person’s head during that kind of traumatic experience. There is so much visual imagery in this piece and so many great lines.

            Some of the concrete details include phrases like “passing an empty beer bottle and yielding to old dog shit”, “gunfire lit up the night like Baghdad”, and “sleeping with roaches from kitchen stove to bedroom wall.” Some of my favorite lines in the poem are  “a team of young killers impatient to steal life”, “sirens ringing because of me again”, and “God wouldn’t reek of too much cheap perfume.”

            There is a lot of feeling and emotion in this poem, and this is added to by the way the lines tumble on top of each other. The concept is effective in portraying the chaotic, frenetic nature of the scene that is happening. The writer puts you right in the middle of the action and also inside his head as he flashes back through random memories. This along with the gritty wording evokes a visceral reaction in the reader.

            The tumbling of the lines that I mentioned earlier is the good part of this poem but also the part that could use improvement. The way this is laid out works well but could be cleaned up and streamlined so that there is more flow while still remaining direct and emphatic.