Critique of Ameena's Poem

On the surface, this poem is about the stalking of a person on Facebook, and then meeting them. The author does not ask questions, because they feel they already know the person at this point. What this poem is really about, I am not sure of. One can take many guesses. I’m pulled in several different directions with the meaning. In any case, I think this was a fun poem to read. I just wish I knew what it was all about.

The first thing I have to say positively is that the poem reads like something from the modern era. Mr. Kizzier is probably very pleased. The poem feels very natural. It also has enough concrete details to give the mind a work out. Furthermore, and although I might be repeating myself, you’ve mentioned Facebook. I think this is really cool, because in decades from now, someone will read this poem and see that it was definitely from the 2000’s. That works very well. The same can be said about the mention of Five Hour Energy, which is also, I think, a device that could very easily evoke the time period.

I didn’t find anything truly wrong with the poem. There’s a difference between “could be better” and “wrong.” I didn’t see anything wrong. But there’s always room for improvement. “Quiet stillness” for one is kind of repetitive, I think. It’s like saying the “wet water.” It’s not as ridiculous as my example, but I think with the word stillness, quiet is already implied. You don’t need to include it. The line that starts “Obeying the warnings…” is kind of lost on me. I like the meaning, but it feels a little long and out of place. It’s not that glaring, but it picked at me a bit.

All in all, I think it’s a good poem, but nothing about it stands out. All the same, there aren’t any glaring mistakes. It’s up to you how you want to proceed with improving it. It seems to lack that quality that makes it stand out from other poems.