Review of Taming of the Shrew

This was an extraordinarily unique rendition of old and new. This Shakespearean classic was humerously sprinkled with colloquials of the present. It was entertaining besides. I particularly enjoyed the madrigals at the opening of the performance--both are student voice performers at the CCBC Fine Arts Department in Music.

Kenneth Seivers' Critique de The Taming of the Shrew

I recently saw CCBC’s production of The Taming of the Shrew twice. I am not familiar with the original production, so I interviewed the director of the play, Donald Ray Schwartz, and got some of his own thoughts to share. Donald Ray Schwartz has directed television commercials over twenty years ago. For him: it’s been a long desire to direct the play in this fashion. He saw the cast members in other productions. The actors are great, intelligent wonderful, compassionate. They brought the play to life. The director also commented that misogyny is big the original production and that he adapted it to make women equal. He reduced a four hour play to less than two.
I asked Schwartz about Sam Lukowski (role of Lucentio) and he said that Sam is a good actor. Furthermore, Sam was going to stay a techie—specifically a member of stage crew, but Terri Raulie (Technical Director/Scenic and Lighting Designer) ushered Sam to audition. That audition made the director very happy.
After seeing the performance, I interviewed Sam Lukowski. What was his perspective on the direction and interpretation of the play? He says verbatim: “Well, as an actor, we all tend to love or at least honor Mr. Shakespeare, but unfortunately I find that if you aren’t a theatre kid, already Shakespeare’s kind of lost on you. Bringing a real Vaudeville and Burlesque feel to one of Shakespeare’s comedies, I think, was a great way to connect with the audience. So, I really enjoyed bringing that feel to classic theatre. Plus, sex appeal always sells tickets—hope we were able to entertain.”

Clare's Review of amber, ben, rhiannon (i think i spelled that wrong) short stories.

Night Time with Daddy

This one is a nostalgic story about a girl missing her dead father. Her mother doesn’t want to “live in the past” so the girl feels guilty about spending time at her father’s grave on his birthday. I wonder why the girl kept wanting to cry but wouldn’t? How old is this person? She has a daughter but her mother is still driving her around? She refers to him at father the whole story except the beginning and end, there is a discrepancy with the tone of daddy and father. “Daddy“ is more small child, and “father” has a more formal and mature tone.

Mama

A woman is on her deathbed, it is winter, and she is thinking of her mother who is already gone and how she didn’t like winter. I think this is supposed to be a foreshadowing of the woman’s upcoming death. The woman with cancer says she can’t take the pain any more, but you don’t see this pain in her voice, I think that struggle could be made more evident. I like the part where the woman (ruth/Olivia gets her first morphine drip and passes into a fully realized memory with her mother and winter. It’s like as much as her mom wants to protect her, she can’t, and now she still has to die. I think the story could use a focus, maybe one strong clear memory that runs throughout a few sort of formed flashbacks.

Checkers

I like the concept of this story, it has humor to it. I like how Ben led us into the story, I had a visual from a movie of zooming through the treetops, down the side walk, checking out picnics and dogs, passing a smiling guard, and stopping right at the checkers table. A voice over : 14yr old Timmy Lorenzo! CHECKERS CHAMP! and then a flashback to his childhood. Good set up. Throughout the story Ben provides good dialogue and action so we really get to know Timmy’s attitude. The only thing I’d change is the ending and how it’s all warm and fuzzy and reminds me of a fable. I’d prefer a bit of an unexpected twist that would maybe bring the old Timmy back to the surface. Maybe it’s just me.

Joann Adamczyk's Review of Rhiannon, Ben and Amber's Short Stories

Mama By Rhiannon Feehly

I loved this story and the way it's foreshadowed ,and the way the character is recreating the memories in her mind of her mother. I loved how the reflections of this story as if it's her dreams after she receives the morphine. This is a very touching story about how a cancer patient feels in the hospital sick with cancer. I also think you did a fantastic job with Olivia's voice voice and character. The only thing I would change is maybe describe physical features of Olivia's mother and daughter. Also, I wold create more of a character back round and why were reading this story and how is important.i do like this story and how emotional it is.

Untitled By: Ben Middleton

This story I think is very emotional, and really great. I loved your descriptions and how Timmy, the main character, felt a void in his life from a game of checkers. I liked it because of the character development and how Timmy became a changed person, and grew more mature by having a puppy. After Timmy adopted the it seemed to me that he knew a game of checkers wasn't everything in his life. He also became more friendly and outgoing with his puppy, which makes me think that Timmy did in fact learn something. Lastly, I liked how this story evolved and also the end i think is the best. Overall, I don't have any corrections. I think it's perfect just the way it is as a life changing story.

Night Time With Daddy By: Amber Schleicher

I love how this story lives in the moment of recreating how much the main character loves her father. I also like how there is a generations in the story and how the main character continues the tradition of reading to her daughter. I also think it's the most meaningful that the main character in the only one who visit's her father's headstone, and she had a different perspective of her father than her mother. I also like how we can all relate to this story in some way or perspective. The only thing I would add is a scene of dialogue with the main character and her mother talking about their father/ husband and how each other can face their fears. I would also like to know what stories they read together at night, and what she felt. I do like this story a lot and how meaningful it is.

Jackie's review on Ben's short story

Jackie’s review for Ben’s Short Story
Ben’s short story was about a bratty kid who didn’t have many friends. This kid was an amazing checkers player who was very arrogant about his checker skills. Eventually the kid loses to a younger kid and gets very angry. Since he stopped playing checkers he started to become very sad so his parents bought him a puppy. The puppy helped the boy understand about friendships so the boy found the kid that beat him at checkers and they became friends. I was surprised to see that Ben wrote a story like this. I really liked the beginning and the idea of the puppy. I also liked how Ben laid out the scene of central park for us and then went into the idea of the bratty kid playing checkers. The imagery Ben used was really powerful. The only suggestions I have for Ben is that not to rush the end so much. I felt that out of know where this kid got a puppy and it changed his entire way of thinking way to quickly compared to the first part of the story. Overall I really enjoyed the short story, especially the puppy part.

Jackie's review for Amber and Rhiannon's short stories

Jaclyn Quattrochi
Kizzier 209
Reviews
Jackie’s review on Rhiannon’s poem Mama
Rhiannon’s short story Mama is about a woman who has cancer in the hospital on Christmas Eve. Throughout the short story Olivia, the woman dying from cancer slips into morphine dreams about her and her mother while she was a child. Eventually Olivia passes away to finally be with her mother. I really liked how the line “mama doesn’t like…” was repeated throughout the story. It gives the reader a sense of who Olivia’s mother is as a character. I also liked how Olivia’s passing represented Olivia being pulled out of the cold winter to be with her mother since her mother didn’t like Olivia being out in the cold. I think that Rhiannon could have given more detail about where her mother was originally from or more about Olivia’s daughter. Over all I thought it was a well thought and constructed short story.
Jackie’s review on Ambers Poem
Amber’s poem is about a woman visiting her father’s grave while reminiscing about the traditions her and her father had together. I liked the idea for the story, the idea of a woman visiting her father’s grave on his birthday is a very hard thing to do and is a very powerful scene. I also like dhow Amber describes the girls mom with her and how impatient the mother was waiting and the sense that the mother did not feel the same way about the father as the girl did. I do think Amber should finish writing the story by adding the ride home in with the mother. I do think the conversation on the way home would be a very interesting end to the story. I really enjoyed this short story and felt it was something I could connect with.

Mary's Review of Becca's poem: Freezing Fire

This reader is confused as to what the subject of the poem is. It leaves much to the imagination and that is because it is ultimately directed at nothing. Did this writer say the subject matter is unclear? If there were a succinct subject matter this could be a useful and powerful piece of literature. The comparisons and contrasts are beautiful and descriptive--but of what? Please expand on these beautiful thoughts--what a wonderful beginning of something greater to come!

Mary Review of Becca's Poem: Religion

This poem indicates a sense of parting one may experience when growing up--becoming one's own person. This writer senses the nonconformity desirable when one matures and a breaking free of conventional norms from which one was raised. It feels as though one might choose to doubt truths that really are myths. This writer is fond of particular references to breaking free of what binds a soul to the unquestioning nature of obedience and fear of not abiding. Regarding reference "...save your bleeding heart..." is indicative of what parents experience as people who generally try to care for the child growing up and doing as little damage as possible (RE: The Five People You Meet When You Get To Heaven). In the third stanza the writer expresses the desire to love the level of origin and still be given the freedom to not accept blindly what has been given--it is as though saying that there is a need to be permitted, if you will, to question authority. Although this poem may not be about parent/child relationship(s), one may read this poem and recognize in the context the need of the soul to be ultimately independent without rejection. In conclusion, if this this soul-searching moment in time is denied, then who ultimately accepts responsibility for the consequence?

Mary's Review of Jim's Poem

This poem is the most outrageous outcry of a falling people that this writer has ever seen expressed anywhere other than WCBM radio! Although this writer does not agree with many of the political views on that station, the poem America describes exactly a mood of dissent that is wonderfully expressed. Without focusing on the political views, the poem itself is descriptive and invites readers to affectively feel the pain of what is herein described and a painful life for one and for many. The anger expressed is creative and appropriate (safe for the writer) . Although strong, the images and examples laced throughout are targeted and what is generally known as self-centeredness--a consensus of mood journalists have beed describing in literature since the VietNam war: The Me generation. This poem overflows with passages of lament and outrage. This reader's initial reaction was relief that there is still freedom of speech in America. Although this poem is based of a previous work by another author,the creative expression and artistic style are unique. How often does a person describe oneself as ...a rolling medicine cabinet...? This poem may or may not be accurate, and beautifully describes anguish in the midst of corruption--of America.

Mary's Review of Joanne's Poem

At first I thought this poem was about someone walking through the courtyard of a mental/psychiatric hospital. An institutional setting is clear and described clearly: There is silence, and erie venue, and a lot of mystery and hidden agenda that one would see within the campus of any institution; hospital, school/university, of barracks. The action of this poem is clearly indicated to be occurring during the night. "Darkness," and '"silence," are examples of how I came to this conclusion. The sounds and quiet mood of the poem speak to this writer of stillness and and an undisturbed moment in time. This writer wonders what is happening behind those curtains. Because the curtains are thin, is there much left to the imagination? Indeed there is something occurring behind curtains--how significant is this to the general mood of the poem? This reader wants to focus on what is occurring in the courtyard, and the mood of the character(s) there, and yet attention is shifted to the curtains. There are two thoughts, and this reader digresses from the first, a texture with a definite mood, to the curtains. Suddenly this becomes a poem that focuses on the action behind the curtains, and the thinness of the curtains would hint to this reader an action that leaves one hanging as far as what next--a thought that is not yet complete. This reader enjoys the reminiscent times of walking through the campus of an old school, the commons there, and the stillness and safety that can be had there. Why would the writer wish to add an action that leaves much to the imagination and is not really focused of a particular relationship between the outside and the inside of the building. Maybe addition of a description of the building would be helpful.

Jackie's review on Becca's poems

I really enjoyed reading Becca's poems. I liked how both of her poems had a relationship between each other. I really enjoyed how Freezing Fire had all the lines that contrasted with each other. I thought it make the poem much more interesting. I really liked the lines "Our loving hatred, gives hazy clarity, and forms our perfect flaws." I think Becca did a great job playing with the words in her poem. I really enjoyed Becca's poem "Religion" I don't know if everyone can relate to religion in this way or feels this way about religion but i do believe the ideas Becca writes about in this poem everyone has contemplated once in their life. I felt that this poem had a great topic for a poem. The idea of Religion is a huge topic and is discussed all the time. I really enjoyed the lines "If my hear dies, the blood is on you hands." and "I wont risk my life, my love, my logic" The only suggestion i would give Becca it to try to give more imagery in her poem "Religion" it is a very strong and powerful poem but i believe that if it had more imagery than it would be even more powerful than it already is.

Jaclyn Quattrochi

Kizzier – 209

10/8/09

Jackie’s Review on Jaime

I enjoyed Jaime’s poem a lot. It reminded me of the feeling I get when I watch/ read into the wind. Having to be and act a certain way because you are told to. Because if you don’t you are not considered normal or a part of society. Not fitting in. I really enjoyed the lines “Living only to dream, If not having to dream.” I also really liked the lines “Shoved into my mold.” The idea of the poem I believe is a good topic for a poem. I feel that everyone at one point of another feels that they have to be or act a certain way to feel that they are a productive member of society. The only suggestions I have for Jaime is that the she could have went into more detail of where she is or when she mostly feels that she has to be a productive member of society. It is a great poem but I would have liked more detail. Other than that I thought overall it was a great poem and a great idea for the poem. She made it flow very well and it all seemed to go together.

Jackie’s review on Ben’s poem

I love, love, love Ben’s poem. I think I enjoyed it so much because every day on my way to school I see a homeless man and some days I give him money and other days I speed away. I guess it always depends on my mood, but for about an hour or so after I drive away from him I think about why he is homeless, is it because she chose to be, or is it because he doesn’t have a choice. I think it is so interesting to see how fast people judge the homeless. I really enjoyed the lines “As he nears you car fear builds within you”. It is so true but no one wants to say it. I think Ben picked an awesome idea for his poem. The only suggestions I have to Ben is to make his lines shorter. I felt they were a little too long and that his lines would have more power is they were shortened up a little. Other wise it was a great poem and had everything it needed in it. I really enjoyed the questions at the end. It makes the reader sit and ponder and even maybe second guess their actions the next time they pull up to the homeless.

Jackie’s review on Aliza’s poem

I enjoyed Aliza’s poem because everyone know what it is like to inherit certain traits and characteristics from our parents that maybe we don’t want to have or maybe we do. I really enjoyed the lines “I swear it’s those windmills spinning in your eyes.” It’s interesting how she goes about this poem saying how she is being hypnotized. I have felt many times that my mother has brain washed me to be and think like her, but it is good when someone can recognize this happening to themselves. I felt that the lines “And it scares me to think, that disloyalty is not the only heritable trait you have.” I enjoyed it because it brings you to the idea that some of the things that are portrayed in Aliza’s character that she gets from her mother she enjoyed but there are other things she might not like. Over all I thought it was a great poem. The only thing I would suggest for Aliza is to go into more detail about what the other heritable traits “you” have maybe. I would like to hear more about them. Over all it was a great poem and I really enjoyed reading it.

Ben's analysis of The Commons by Joann

This lyrical poem creates an image of a college courtyard in the middle of the night, dark and eeire with noone present. To me this poem dipicts a student, walking back to his/her dorm room alone perhaps on a weekend night while the rest of the campus is partying. The "long night" will be full of studying for an upcoming test and the "screams" are of joy and fun taking part far away. This feeling of loneliness relates to all students who have work to do instead of having fun with their friends. The only thing I would change in this poem would be to more clearly declare the theme, which is almost unknown to the reader without guessing.

Ben's analysis of Free by Mary

The nature poem creates a vivid image of a natural mountain valley. It is divided into three parts, the first a scence of serenity, the second of violence, and the third a departure for freedom. I think the imagery in the first and second stanzas depicting the morning and luminiscent shadows works well. Dark imagery appears in the form of foxes eating lingering rabbits. Reading the last stanza makes me picture a meadowlark full of hope flying into freedom. The only thing I would change would be the repetition of words, although this creates a meaning they don't have much effect.

Ben's analysis of A Moment N Ur Eyes by Kenneth

This lyrical poem describes the feelings one wished to gain while being with someone they love. The refrain is clever, using interesting examples of wanting someone more and more like a 69' Vietnam tour. The line, "Can U draw a perfect circle?-cuz I want U all around me" is a good illustration of the desire for personal interaction. However the structure of the poem is confusing, allowing the reader to become lost halfway through.

Ben's analysis of Liquid Soul by Tracy

This lyrical poem expresses the joys and terrors of falling in love, of searching for your souldmate. She indicates that only those who have truely experienced it know the meaning and importance of love. Love is described as having both pleasure and pain a part of it, with the pain being beyond physical measure. Many people can relate to this feeling, those who ave felt love and lost it as well as those who have gained love and maintain it. This poem captures well the emotional rollercoaster of love and the searching for a soul mate. However the phrase, "The ambition to be the best person because not less is deserved" is confusing, are you saying that we strive to be the best person we can be of hopes of a greater chance of finding a lifelong partner?

Ben's analysis of Sitting in Stillness by Amber

This dramatic poem depicts a strong yet slightly mentally-beaten woman waiting for her husband to return. This can be interpreted two ways. First, she is at home with her kid, worried and upset enough with her mate being home late to stay up waiting for him yet proud enough not to call and nag. However when he returns she forgets her anger and instead is glad he's home. Another interpretation is that she is the husband of a war veteran on his way home. She is a strong woman yet emotionally has been wrecked throughout his war-time campaign. He is late to arrive and she has been waiting for a long time. However once she hears the long anticipated knock on the door from him, her body falls and breaks with emotions of joy. This poem easily relates to woman all over the world. It draws the reader in and allows them to question the purpose of her waiting. However the mention of her being beaten, battered, and bruised without a hint of how can confuse the reader

Ben's analysis of Mystery of the Season by Rhiannon

This dramatic poem is easily illustrated using examples of familiar themes we associate with each season. She expresses the full cycle of seasonal changes, however shows that the winter season makes the most dramatic change. Rhiannon's poem easily allows the reader to relate to the changing of the seasons by using examples that are most commomly associated with each season. For the winter, she addresses a cold wind blowing on her shivering back (line 8). The beginning of spring is linked to a forgotten warm sunshine and the emergence of flowers, which she attends to in lines 13-14. My own playtime memories are revisited with her examples of children playing all day until nighttime in line 18. Her play with words in the firest couple lines demonstrates her literary knowledge, using personification such as "dancing snowflakes" and alliteration (final, fall, from). A small change I would make in the poem would occur in line 26. Previously she mentioned the girl forgetting about the boy as the summer comes to an end. It is a sad time for all, because many people who start up summer romances are doomed to the reminder that they are after all, only summer romances. However in line 26 she brings back the boy and the girl which is confusing. Personally I would have the girl forget about the boy and end the romance with that and perhaps instead talk about schools starting for an example.

Joann's Critique of Becca,Ben, Jaime and Aliza's Poems

Religion By:Becca Hutcheson
This poem (I think) has to deal with the rejection of organized religion yet at the end I like how you are breaking apart from a relationship for example, "Just one more time, but if my heart dies the blood is on your hands." I do like that a lot because a religion can be like a relationship. I also like the line you use "the blood is on your hands" even if it is used a lot, it is very strong and the way these phrases and lines are used. I do like how in your poem you try to "resist" to the religion or relationship you are expressing.

Freezing Fire By:Becca Hutcheson
In freezing fire, I can picture this poem to be about a relationship as well. I like the line "our soft rock, is the aimless purpose." The only thing I do not understand is the line "Our loving hatred give hazy clarity." I do like this poem and the things you described and the metaphor of a volcano is similar to a relationship.

His Mile By: Ben Middleton
This poem made me think a lot because we have always been through this situation where we someone who is hungry begging for money so he/she can eat. I also think this is a great subject for poetry, yet maybe it should be more from your perspective and how you feel and what you opinion is. I think your imagery and descriptions are great, especially the line, "Will you show compassion of speed away, will you ignore or help the needy, will you walk his mile?" I think this poem is very strong about how we feel about the homeless and this "fear" that we don not want to be there and we are grateful for what we have.

A productive Member of Society By: Jaime Hacker
I think this poem is about someone who is possibly in an institution and society was in chaos to her and in the end she became chaos even is she was "fixed" as she says. Also the line "my flesh still bears the marks of my taming." It makes me think she was conformed in some way, and then she says "I'm better" meaning now she can be a better productive member of society. I do like how you describe living in your own world and the way you used your imagery and descriptions.

Seeing You Always Makes Me Think of Pea Plants and Errant Knights By: Aliza Ghaffari
I like the beginning how you set the mood and the feeling. This poem (i think) is about what we inherit from our parents. I think this is a great subject to write about and we feel when we inherit these traits and how certain things get passed on through generation to generation. Although, i think this poem is a little bit difficult to understand but i do like the line, "It scares me to think, that disloyalty is the only heritable trait you have." I feel like i can relate to this poem because I am a lot like my mom and there are somethings I hope do not get passed on to me. I generally do like this poem a lot and how you wrote it and described about inheritance.

Jim's critique of Mary Bogdan Hauf & Joann Adamczyk

I totally forgot about this!!!

Mary Bogdan Hauf

it reminds me of a winter scene somewhere far up north. Silence in the Valley, expectant hush, shadows caress herds of deer shrouded in thickets, chipmunks nestled deep in slumber. Early morning while foxes hunt it and successfully catch rabbits that are still sleeping, "devouring older rabbits lingering in the nighttime histories... only to be lost." All the while being watched by a meadowlark. I'm not really sure what's going on here though. It's a little vague, but that very well could just be me. I really liked the line, "...devouring elder rabbits lingering in the nighttime mysteries... only to be lost."

Joann Adamczyk

I'm not sure I get it. I read it 10 times and I'm just not sure what you're getting at. There's no focus or main subject or topic, at least that I am picking out. It sounds sort of pretty/mysterious/haunting, but what's going on? Is something happening in the dark silence behind those thin curtains? I just can't tell and I think you really need to go much deeper with a lot more detail. Maybe give more details about some of the sounds, or some of the feelings you are feeling, or describing the environment.

Kenneth's Critique of The Commons by Joann

The Commons drew me into to it. I looked for the subject in relation to the title. I read it over ward several times. Each time I found that it could be read a different way, yet still retained the same meaning. Each line is a whole thought, but not in sentence form. Therefore, I found that one line does not perpetuate the other. That was very different for me. And the way it is written had me ask many questions. Why call it The Commons? What does “The dark silence,
through the thin curtains, yet for only a moment” mean? Because most of the poem is written in fragments, it does not contain verb tense that would direct attention to the author’s intended meaning. I am curious as to what the subject is; nevertheless, this poem is interesting.

Kenneth's Critique of America by James

This was the “realist” poem that I have read thus far. I hear you man…. I should write some real stuff like this and turn it into a reputation. This is like Bob Marley, except James Bouder wrote it. This was appealing all the way through. Man, I felt compelled to say something because I felt the sincerity in this here. James, you have yourself a competition. I aspire to write something of this caliber, you inspire me.

Kenneth's Critique of Free by Mary

Free by Mary Bogdan Hauf is like the intro to The Commons by Joann Adamcyzk. I think that Free introduces the reader to a place on the set of a Tim Burton movie. It has suspense and setting that is not very urban and draws out the subject of the bird and its happenings. Its narration is goes to the very end with anticipation that cliff hangs with the bird singing and flying. I imagine the bird flying over to The Commons and the story continuing there. I would like to see the end revised to portray more personification of the bird’s actions. Perhaps it will give more purpose to the bird’s singing.

Kenneth's Critique of Sam's Untitled

I wake to the false hopes of breakfast
The stench increases my appetite
Work boots staring at me
A fly on a web has more time to waste
The day is not done
I jump into my tin can and floor it
Destination in mind
Broken radio laughing at me
A wagon has more luxuries
The day is not done
I arrive to site a half hour late
Sounds of hard work echoing
Empty room reminds me
A slave spends less time working
The day is not done
Twelve hours of blood and sweat done
Yy tin can races me towards home
Dumb ass driver tests my reaction time
A cancer patient has more luck then me
The day is not done

Kenneth's Critique of Becca's Freezing Fire

This poem is about magma turning into volcanic rock. She captured this in the first few lines. The idea went off track in the following lines: “filled with placid fears. Our loving hatred gives hazy clarity and forms our perfect flaws.” She did well by opening with: “This effortless labor brings soothing pain.” At first, I thought this was about a baby. Then I saw a volcano erupt.
I think that in the future she can continue to present a recurring theme uniformly throughout the poem.

Kenneth

Kenneth's Critique of Aliza's Poem

I don’t know what this poem is about. I am not a judge on this. I did, however, learn a little about Don Quixote because Aliza used his horse Rocinante in her poem. It stands that this poem was written for someone else to understand and in consideration of that, my critique and feedback would be unmerited. Perhaps in the future, there can be a common pop culture sense that I can grab.

Kenneth's Critique of Becca's Poem

This poem is about a person that is skeptical about believing in religion. Without the title, the poem is helpless in the direction to religion. It does not have subtle etiquettes that are implied with the connotation of religion. One thing that Becca did well was that she expressed the narrator’s emotions in the tone of the poem. One thing that Becca can do differently in the future is she can use more connotative themes that infer religion overtly while keeping the same emotion of skepticism so that she can convey that this poem is about religion.

Aliza's review of jackie and sam's poems

Sam Weber: The Day Is Not Done

Sam’s poem is about the droning, monotony of daily life. I like the rhythm (?) of this poem and the impact of the repeating line “the day is not done” at the end of each 5- line stanza. The repetition of this line emphasizes the repetition your talking about in the poem itself, which is neat. The line “a fly on a web has more time to waste,” is great, specific. I think you need more lines that have the detail and vivacity of that one. One thing that jumped out in my mind is your work boots (the ones that stare at you), immediately after reading that line I wanted to know more about these boots. Maybe you could even use them to subtly elude to what kind of work you do, like ‘work boots stare at me, ancient leather skin, creased, cracked, caked with yesterday’s dirt and mortar.’ I’m not sure how I feel about the lines “A slave spends less time working,” and “A cancer patient has more luck then me.” I think everyone is familiar with the frustration of day like your describing, when it feels like everything in the universe is colluding against you and I think those over the top and semi-self absorbed/pitying statements encompass that feeling. However, as much as I can relate to that feeling, it’s not really one that I, or most other people, want to relate to, so I think it kind of puts some distance between you and the reader. That’s just my take on it though.

Jackie Quattrochi: Those people

Jackie’s poem is about the transience and the friends of circumstance, who regardless of how important to us they may have been at the time, have faded from our minds as they’re lived have diverged from our own. This is a really good subject, personal, but universal and accessible. The simple and un-flowery language allows your lines to flow like unadulterated thoughts, which adds to the poem’s poignancy. I think the more personal details you could include, for instance about specific people that have passed in and out of your life would make this poem even more powerful. I like the metaphor of the sun fading from the sky and memories buried deep in our minds like bodies in the ground, but I think that the motorcycle metaphor (especially for the first lines) doesn’t convey the bitter-sweetness that make the other two so good. Also, I think you should reconsider the last line, “But those people we will always remember.” It just doesn’t seem to fit with the message of the rest of the poem.

Aliza's Review of Claire's poem

Taking a sit in the park depicts the internal dialogue of a girl being bitten by mosquitoes who, as the poem progresses, begins to perceive herself not as the victim of these insects, but as their protector, the mosquito martyr, perhaps, willing to sacrifice a little comfort and a bit of blood to indulge a few innocent freeloaders. This poem is about finding a sense of kinship with the world, and everything in it, even mosquitoes. This is a great topic, that indescribable feeling that comes on, often inexplicably, when you just know that you’re a part of everything around you, that you’re just connected in some awesome way. I like what this poem has to say, and for the most part, the simplicity with which it is said—conversations with little bugs can say a lot more about life, than conversations about life can. In terms of revision, I think you should expand the first part and give the reader a better sense of your context before launching into the more fantastical second half. The other thing I found confusing was that mosquitoes don’t eat skin, but I’m thinking maybe poetic license covers that one?

Aliza's Review of Mary's Poem

Mary’s poem “Free” is an observational nature poem in which she described the early morning in a valley, were a peaceful quiet veils the brutality of the night. Mary keeps herself out of the poem completely, and my opinion about this is sort of torn. On the one hand, I like that in removing herself she presents a natural world independent of human perception/interference. Conversely, I think putting herself into the poem might make it more relatable to the reader. I like how Mary chose to capitalize certain words that normally would not be capitalized (Silence, Morning, Free). I thought maybe this was an allusion to Aristotle’s theory of “essences,” the perfect, unchanging forms that provide a substance with its substantiality. So when Mary writes “There is Silence in the valley,” I imagine not just a silent valley, but The Silent Valley where silence occurs in it’s purest and most prevailing form. I think in terms of revision Mary should try to use more variety in her word choice/descriptions/metaphors, etc. For instance the line “Shadows of morning caress conifers” is almost immediately followed by the line “morning shadows caress herds of dear.” I think there are many more ways to describe this image and more variation in her language would help make each line more powerful.

Joann Adamczyk's reveiw of Jim and Mary's Poem

America
By: Jim Bouder

While reading this poem, America, it really opened my eyes to how our country is in dire need of change and reform. I thought what you said really does sum up what is happening to this world. I also thought it was very moving and thought provoking. For example, "America, you were lost a long time ago, didn't anyone tell you?" It seems as if America has been lost for decades and what is going on in this country is not something new. This poem strings together how crazy and insane our country is and what we have to do together to pull ourselves out of this hole. The only thing i would change is maybe add personal details. I did like your descriptions and I like how political and controversial your poem is, and how we need to open our eyes.


Free
By:Mary Hauf

This poem reminds me of what the slumber of the animals feels like in possibly the winter. It's a very good observational poem of nature. This poem also reminds me of the circle of life, and that humans are apart of this circle of life. The descriptions you use are things that we people don't often see everyday. At the end, the only thing i would change is the last line "Keeping her wings aflight to, Free." I would it to be free or freedom. I do like how you describe what goes on in a forest, behind the scenes of what non on sees everyday.

Mary's Review of Claire's Poem

What a wonderful a nd descriptive poem! One can imagine sitting in a park waiting for someone and having no choice but to surrender to mosquitoes. The effects are powerful descriptions of the feeling oof overwhelming
disgust as to what is happening to this person. ...Spaces between sandal leather are declared an all you can eat buffet...describes to this reader one most sensisitive area when being chewed by insects as well as to what extent this attack feels like. Devouring my ankles is not pleasurable, as by cognitive recall it would not be. It leaves the reader with much to the imagination as far as what devouring means to different populations and readers. Line seventeen begins the comparison of athe person in this poem experiencing a unique experience while having been bitten by these bugs. I sense a motherliness or caring role of the victim, if you will, towards these parasites. The writers character not only surrenders in that there is no choice, to these insects, but actually takes on a caring, personal experience throughout this piece. My criticism would be to focus more on blood-sucking insects, such as, mosquitoes, or ticks. Not many other than dust mites feed on dead skin like mites and mice. This poem, this reader feels, is full of a sort of turning point anthesis whereas the insects of one such park or other are not exactly welcome in the usual sense-very diufferent subject matter and this reader enjoyed reading it!