Caitlin,

This poem is about your dream world, or maybe a fantasy. It also shows the darker side of you too. I really like the structure of your poem because the first two stanzas are extremely descriptive which is very similar to your world; however, in the last stanza it is very simple to me. There are only two lines and there isn’t a lot said about the real world in them, it is boring, just like you said. I also like how you use “I” constantly; it is very dominant and shows that you’re writing about yourself. The poem lets us see how imaginative and creative you are. Your title is definitely perfect for the poem, I like that you created your own little utopia. I wouldn’t change all that much but I would add more detail to it, to describe the utopia a lot more!
Meghan
Tommy,
This poem is about a person who is separated from everyone else because it’s too hot out. I really like how descriptive your poem is, it helps give you a better image of what you are describing. You also have a really serious tone throughout the poem, it helps make it flow. Your descriptions are interesting, where did you think of them? I love how all of your poems are out of the box and very creative! However, I would add more to the poem. The descriptions are very good but it is very hard to follow, I really like the second line of the poem, but I am not sure how fits into this poem. I would also add to your first line, it isn’t as descriptive as the rest of the poem.
Meghan

Mia,
I love this, you really put all of your emotions out there and I think that made the poem so great. You had a specific place and a picture that I could see clearly. It really spoke to me. The diction you used really hit a nerve when I was reading this, I can feel the pain behind the words. I am a little confused though, was this your father or someone else? I honestly have no idea what to tell you to change. As I sad before I lovwe this, it is pure self expression. Maybe add more details to the man that died of cancer.
-Meghan

Jenel,

I like the imagery in this a lot. “Raised the wall up to scrape the sky/shutting out the frigid water like a slammed door,/finally wringing out a red-eyed, half-drowned me.” Is my favorite…I can see this clearly and it also shows how hard you tired to shut out theworld. I really like how we can see your passion through this and I love how the whole poem is one big metaphor, it all flows together. However, I thnk that it would really add to the poem if you add more about why you are shutting someone out.

-Meghan