Joann Adamczyk's review of Rhiannon, Amber,Tracy and Kenny's Poem.

In Group Review

The Mystery of the Season by: Rhiannon Feehly

The main subject of this poem is the changing of the seasons, which includes the feelings, actions, and metaphors that go with each season. This poem also rhymes, which in my opinion makes it stronger and creative in many different ways. Making each line rhyme with the next makes the seasons and the feelings you describe more meaningful and original. I think the strongest line is “Frozen ground where daises once grew- on my shivering back, the cold wind blew.” It rhymes very well and it is quite descriptive. The only thing I would change is more than one line per stanza. Also, the one line I might change is “As the day grows shorter and night extends- The flowers die and the soil mends.” I say this because “the soil mends” could of rhymed better with extends. I enjoyed your prom overall and I do like it a lot, it describes the seasons very well, it paints a picture of what each season is really like, and the feelings they can invoke.

Out of Group Reviews

Sitting In Stillness by: Amber Schleicher

This poem I find to be very strong, compelling, and deep. This poem makes me feel what the girl feels when she is around men and what she has been through in her life. The line “Amused, she finally hears him at the door” tells me she wants to be with the man whom she is waiting for but when she “slides to the floor, and breaks”, makes me think in my mind that she can’t handle being with a man even though she is strong, she is still “beaten, battered, and bruised.”

Liquid Soul by: Tracy Madrid

While reading this poem especially throughout the beginning, I find it to be very anticipating with what you are talking about and the “word used all too often.” At first, I’m not sure what the ongoing theme is but the line “We are love; we are the missing pieces of each other” makes this poem in my opinion much stronger, I also feel it is your best line. Lastly, I really do like how you described what love can do and the potential impact it can have. For example the line, “A pleasure- pain of sensation, that fullness of the heart”, makes this poem brilliant and very meaningful.

A moment in Ur Eyes by: Kenneth Seivers

This poem, “A moment in N UR Eyes”, I find to be more of a prose which has a better fit for the subject. When I read each line I imagine what your feelings are like when someone you are attracted to is staring back at you. For example the lines, “While you color me blue, inside I’m all red, hey come sit beside me- In the portrait N Ur head.” The imagery and language you use makes me think this is somewhat of a romance. I think your best line is “Moonlight flickers on the river of tears”, and the only thing I would change is for you to spell out all your words out to make it more readable to an older audience. I generally do like the theme and subject of your poem and I think it’s generally pretty well written.