Jackies Review in group on mary, and out of group for jim and joann

Jaclyn Quattrochi

English 209

Writing workshop review

In group Review- Mary’s Poem Free

Mary’s poem is written in the view point of a bird in a meadow or forest in the early morning hours while it is still dark out. The poem gives feeling of content. It gives the feeling of being at home, and at peace. The poem is about being free as a bird within an environment where not everyone else has the freeness that a bird has but is unique in all their own ways.

I really enjoyed Mary’s poem after have reading it several times. The idea of it was well constructed and I really enjoyed the imagery within the context. I really enjoyed the repeated line “a meadowlark sings” I can picture the sound of a bird in the early morning singing while all else in silent. Not only does that line create good imagery but it also creates such a relaxing feeling for the reader. I also really enjoyed the line “there is so MUCH expectant hush in the valley” I enjoyed this line because anytime you picture a forest or a meadow people schemas are quietness or “hush” as Mary says. The only suggestions I have for Mary it to be a little more clear on the direction of the poem. I like the idea of free as a bird and I feel that in the middle of the poem the direction of the poem was lost, but then at the end brought back up again. I would suggest to focus more on the idea of the bird and imagery of the bird rather than the imagery of the forest scene. The poem went into more detail about other animals in a forest rather than focusing on the freedom of the bird which is where I felt Mary was trying to go with the poem. Overall it was a great poem and it was well constructed.

Out of group review Joann’s The Commons

The Commons by Joanne is a very interesting poem. It is about all the people that are completely oblivious to the pain and hardships that others go through every day or night. Joann did a great job of using imagery in this poem. Such as “the dim lamp post at each corner” or “yet the dark windows of those asleep, are still untouched”, it creates the mood of loneliness and silence. This is a great mood for where Joann is going with the poem. My only suggestions would be to give more detail on “Their screams”… I would have liked to know more, the poem left me wondering and pondering at what the screams are from, if they are even screams, or just people struggling within their own minds. I would have kept going with this poem to let the reader get a better idea of what these people are suppose to be hearing, whose screams and why. Overall it was a great poem and I enjoyed it very much. I really liked the imagery in the beginning.

Out of group review Jim’s America

Jim’s poem is a very powerful poem about all the things our government should do, but tends to neglect for its citizens. It is about the idea that most citizens have a lot of faith in their government and support their government until something happens to personally affect them and we finally realize that our government has a lot more flaws than we once thought. The poem confronts our government without trying to butter anything up. I really enjoyed Jim’s poem, it says what everyone feels and think every day but we are too lazy to take action. The only suggestion I would make to Jim would be to construct the poem a little differently to make it seem like a poem. To me it seemed like the poem was more of a letter to someone explaining their problems with the government, the flow seemed a little off to me. I would have shortened some lines to make the poem flow a little bit better. Over I loved the poem. It really made me want to get off my lazy ass and start to try and change the way our society handles things.