Aliza's review of jackie and sam's poems

Sam Weber: The Day Is Not Done

Sam’s poem is about the droning, monotony of daily life. I like the rhythm (?) of this poem and the impact of the repeating line “the day is not done” at the end of each 5- line stanza. The repetition of this line emphasizes the repetition your talking about in the poem itself, which is neat. The line “a fly on a web has more time to waste,” is great, specific. I think you need more lines that have the detail and vivacity of that one. One thing that jumped out in my mind is your work boots (the ones that stare at you), immediately after reading that line I wanted to know more about these boots. Maybe you could even use them to subtly elude to what kind of work you do, like ‘work boots stare at me, ancient leather skin, creased, cracked, caked with yesterday’s dirt and mortar.’ I’m not sure how I feel about the lines “A slave spends less time working,” and “A cancer patient has more luck then me.” I think everyone is familiar with the frustration of day like your describing, when it feels like everything in the universe is colluding against you and I think those over the top and semi-self absorbed/pitying statements encompass that feeling. However, as much as I can relate to that feeling, it’s not really one that I, or most other people, want to relate to, so I think it kind of puts some distance between you and the reader. That’s just my take on it though.

Jackie Quattrochi: Those people

Jackie’s poem is about the transience and the friends of circumstance, who regardless of how important to us they may have been at the time, have faded from our minds as they’re lived have diverged from our own. This is a really good subject, personal, but universal and accessible. The simple and un-flowery language allows your lines to flow like unadulterated thoughts, which adds to the poem’s poignancy. I think the more personal details you could include, for instance about specific people that have passed in and out of your life would make this poem even more powerful. I like the metaphor of the sun fading from the sky and memories buried deep in our minds like bodies in the ground, but I think that the motorcycle metaphor (especially for the first lines) doesn’t convey the bitter-sweetness that make the other two so good. Also, I think you should reconsider the last line, “But those people we will always remember.” It just doesn’t seem to fit with the message of the rest of the poem.