Sam Weber – done yet
I enjoy that you are talking about a working man’s’ day (presumably your crazy long weekend). I usually don’t like such structured poetry, but this one isn’t as rigid as I think we usually find, and I like the repetition of metaphors in each stanza. It works because you don’t keep the language stiff: your boots stare, your car is a tin can, your radio laughs etc. I’d rethink the word “stench”… it makes your breakfast sound rotten, and “dumb-ass” might not be needed. Don’t resort to cursing! Insult people with more interesting words!
JackieQ! – Those people
I like the concept of memory, but I wish the poem was more affirmative. No maybes. You met them. Everyone has met or seen these people, no need to dance around it. I like how you kind summarize with the stanza that begins “but we don’t anymore” … and then conclude with one last reference to the people, only what they are doing now (married, head honcho, dead). Then have a one two punch at the end (that’s just pass us by, but we will always remember).
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment