Poem Critiques Week 2

Critique of Jackie’s poem:

Jackie’s poem is one about remembering people you have forgotten. It is written very smoothly and each line transitions nicely to the next. Remembering people you have forgotten existed is a good topic and I really like the poem. I especially like the lines:

Buried deep in the ground
Like memories are buried deep into our minds

The metaphor gives it power and creates a good visual of both people buried and the idea of memories buried. The only thing I would consider revising is the same line that I liked, I would just replace “into” to “within” to make the metaphor even more powerful.

Critique of Sam’s poem:

Sam’s poem really is cute. I like the aspect of going through his day with him as he jumps all the hurdles that he must. I like how he refers to his car as a tin can, it gives me the visual of an old rickety car. I like the lines where he refers to different things like the spider on the web has more time to waste and how a slave spends less time working. I think those lines really give some idea of just how busy and hurried he is. The only line I would consider revising is:

A cancer patient has more luck than me

I just don’t think that it fits well with the rest of the poem.

Critique of Clare’s poem:

I really like this poem. I’m guessing that it’s about bugs probably in the summer time, chomping away at her ankles and feet. I really like the way it is written. I especially like the part where she says:

Bring me:
Your poor!
Your hungry!
Your skin salad junkies

I think that this part of the poem really gives it life and character. The whole poem is nicely written and I really like the idea and style of it. I’m really at a blank for what I would revise because I really like this one.