clare's reviews of Joann, Jim, Mary poems

Joann- the Commons
This poem makes me visualize a little park nestled in the center of a cul-de-sac or something similar. Something sinister is happening in the neighborhood on this night and the sleeping residents remain oblivious. I wish it was clearer what this evil act is because the last line comes as a real shock. The neighborhood is peaceful to this point and I was anticipating a more innocent ending. Was a person killed, a woman raped, a baby kidnapped? Or was an animal simply run over in the road? I may also rethink the tempo of the stanzas, I don’t think it is necessary for there to be any breaks.
Jim- America
I like the direction of this piece. It’s like a love letter, a protest, a resignation all in one. Jim obviously is very passionate about America and it’s problems at the moment and I love that he is being topical and including specifics, (Gibson, Phelps, pharmaceuticals, insurance companies etc). I also like that he makes the poem personal, “when will you look at me as more than just a man in a wheelchair?” but the transition between the rant against America: the abstract and America: the relationship with this specific person is a bit rough. I feel like there is enough here for 2 separate but similar, maybe partner poems. One about America and how it’s systems are all f’ed up and one about how they systems have specifically f’ed over this person and how he is disappointed and hurt and tired. Just say’n.
Mary – Free
This seems to be a poem about craving freedom, trying to escape from the daily grind. The Meadowlark is calling out for help and the Swallow is responding, showing the Meadowlark there is freedom, presumably in the sky. I was confused by the hyphens, I read it as “deep-chipmunks” the first time for example. Mary did tell us the first day of class that she like to use the page and make the poem a visual experience as well and I can see that influence here. My favorite line is “there is so MUCH expectant hush in the valley.” I’m not sure I got the message of this poem right, and I get lost in the middle part which seemed kind of fluffy, so I guess my suggestion is to make the intention less abstract.