Aliza's review of Joann's poem/Jim's story

Joann: The Commons

In Joann’s The Common’s I envision the courtyard of a college campus, where the silent calm of night conceal an act of brutality seen only by the poem’s omniscient narrator. I like the initial description and the image of a lamppost fracturing the bench upon which it’s light strikes, but I think the description and message get’s a bit muddled towards the end and the “screams” mentioned abruptly in the final line left me feeling unresolved. Also, I think that the two rhyming lines seem a bit out of place if the pattern isn’t going to be continued throughout the poem.

Jim: A Morning in Tangiers

In Jim’s story Abe Wellington wakes up to another fine morning in Tangiers (of course—Jim loves Ginsberg and I love Jim), except for some inexplicable reason Abe feels that this day is different from any other he has experienced during his last 43 years in Morocco. At first Abe sort of ignores the peculiarity of the day, going about his mundane, yet sort of quirky, rituals, but eventually whatever this curious force is compels Abe to reveal his long held secret--what brought him to Tangiers (running from the “man”, capital M, after killing a man, lower case m, in self defense)—to his friends. I liked this story and the imagry/description—the book collection, the Rimbaud quote, the handmade rug, Abe’s sexual exploits and waning charm, etc.-- made it feel personal and authentic. But I’m not sure how I feel about Abe’s story—I guess it just seemed sort of outlandish to me (but conventionally outlandish, if that makes sense) and in a way negated the authenticity I felt in the beginning. I feel like I either want his reason for leaving to be way more extreme or way more ordinary. Maybe he spent his young adult life trying to track down this beat up original copy of The Dharma Bums that had been inadvertently sold at a tag sale, a journey that lead him Tangiers where he finds…[insert poignant self reflexive insight here]

Or maybe he’s in Tangier’s for reasons that involve a goat, a limbless contortionist, a rare, geographically displaced Malaysian brindle-backed fly, and one of the sexy ladies he shacked up all those years ago, who may or may not have in fact been a man.

Okay, maybe not. Whatever works. If you do keep it as is I’d say the only revision that you might consider is to the last line….it’s too abrupt and impersonal, it takes the reader out of the Café Del Mar Tarifa—think you should end on a scene/image.