Aliza's review of Clare, Rhiannon,Tracy and Amber (Short Stories)

Clare: Fish and Juleps
Fish and Juleps is a story about a young couple, Clark and Ida who squabble one evening because Ida believes the cat that has been in their house for the previous two weeks is not really their cat and Clark thinks that Ida is being absurd. Though the story’s action is moved by the “maybe-stranger cat” dilema, the story itself is really more about Clark and Ida’s relationship, a dynamic that makes the story both enderingly personal and relatable to the reader. Right now I think Clare has some really nice details: the description of food preparation, the poker game and well-used poker chips, Clark’s choo choo train food delivery to Ida’s mouth, Ida’s eccentricity-the gloves (but does she wear the gloves to hide her chewed up fingers or does she wear them so she doesn’t have to really touch the stranger cat?). Even though Ida’s a bit high strung and her behavior is a little ridiculous, Clare manages to make her likable perhaps because the reader sees her through Clark, who obviously loves her in spite of or perhaps even because of her quirks. I’d like to see a bit more backstory for Ida, nothing explicit—just some subtle passing details-perhaps referencing her behavior over the past two weeks as she’s been convinced their cat was an intruder, maybe even some details that explains her neurotic tendancies.
Rhiannon: Mama
In “Mama” Olivia, the central character, has flashback memories of her childhood and her mother as she lies in a hospital bed, dying of cancer. At the end of the story Olivia dies and is reunited with her mother. I’m intrigued by Rhiannon’s decription of Olivia’s mother who “never liked the winter,” yet lives in Buffolo. Olivia calling her mother “Mama” and refering to her mother’s meatloaf makes me think maybe her mother was originally from the South, which perhaps explains her disdain for snow. But still this attitude, especcially since it is sort of central to the story begs to be explained. I think in creativley explaing this attitude Rhiannon might be able to convery the detail and characterization that it the story currently lacks. In a story, like this one, where the subject matter is meant to illicit a particularly emotional response from the reader detail is key, because if the characters aren’t well developed enough the reader can’t relate to them and ultimatly doesn’t care if they live or die. I like the image at the end of Olivia and her mother dancing in the snow and I think Rhiannon might focus on that night of Olivia’s childhood-the night her mother, who normally despised the cold, danced with her daughter in the snow-what were the circumstances, etc. that brought about this anamolous behavior?
Tracy: Oubliette
In “Oubliette” the main character Mrs. Fitzgerald mourns the loss of her son, Zachary, who has killed himself, and seeks brutally violent revenge on the priest who, as she discovered from reading Zachary’s journals, molested him when he was a child. I think Tracy is a really good writing, her words are deliberate and appear carefully chosen, her sentences are strong and direct, and her descriptions and details are good. The violence is a bit gratuitous at points but what I really find problematic about this story, rather than the brutality, is the subject matter- I think the child molesting priest angle is just too contrived.

Amber: Nighttime with Daddy
In Nighttime with Daddy the main character visits her father’s grave and reminisces about how her father would read her bed time stories when she was a little kid. I think this story moves too fast. The author expects the readers to be emotionally attached to the characters too quikly, expects that by in a sense telling the reader that this is a sad moment is enough to make the reader really feel sad, connected, etc. This is a good start, but I want to know more about the characters, more details: what were some of the stories her father told? Pre-written stories or ones he made up? Hansel and Gretal or Moby Dick? What was her father like not just in her perception but in the perceptions of others? If he was so wonderfull why does noone visit his grave anymore? Why is the mother so cold, impatient and anxious to leave?