clare's crit of aliza, ben, jamie poems <3

Aliza – seeing you always makes me think of pea plants and errant knights
I love the allusions to literature and science:) The first line draws me in right away. I like that the poem is referring to specific quotes and memories the mother and daughter share and while the audience may not understand the content and context of these conversations, we understand their intent in the poem. Like she wants to show us the random, assertive, unconventional-ness of these women, which is endearing, but also seems a bit sad. Like the women are lost in their own imaginative, quirky world. I don’t know if these women really are insane or if the daughter is trying to release herself from her mother’s behavior (Rocinante is now far too frail / to carry both of us) Disloyalty is brought up at the beginning and the end, and I don’t know to what this refers. To whom are these women disloyal? Themselves? Each other? I’d like this to be clear.
Ben – his mile
This poem made me kind of goosebumpy, which is a good thing. It made me uncomfortable because, of course, we have all been in this situation, and some days we roll our window down, and some days we don’t, but don’t really take it the step further and think about how this impacts the man on the street. I like that we are confronted with this awkward process. I like that Ben describes this decision making moment with the word fear. What do we have to be afraid of all safe and warm in our cars? But it’s true, it is fear that we feel if we make eye contact with the homeless man. I’d like him to build on this moment. Ben describes the man as starved injured wolf, a creature that could easily turn violent and dangerous. Is this accurate? It can be, but I want to see this developed, it could definitely relate to the fear we feel.
Jamie – a productive member of society
I like that this poem says one thing but means another. I like the lines “living only to dream/ of not having to dream” which makes me think that perhaps this person was very depressed by the real world. It seems to me like they were institutionalized against their own will, and I interpret it this way because the attitude about being “fixed” seems sarcastic and in the end the person still describes themselves as chaos. “That’s what they told me” makes me think that she doesn’t really believe anything has changed, but she will smile and nod if it will allow her to be free. I think she doesn’t mind so much being chaos. The only thing I can come up with to consider in revision (I really like this piece) is making the title match the poem. You don’t refer in the poem at all to being “a productive member of society” and I don’t see that intent in the poem… the person doesn’t get “fixed” and then go join society again, or if they do, we don’t see it. So yea… change the title… maybe. Or don’t. But I wouldn’t change the actual poem.