Aliza's review of Joann's short story

Joanne: Torn Apart

In Joann’s story “Torn Apart,” Linda, a 30-something year old woman and mother morns the end of her 10-year long marriage to a man with whom she is still in love, but cannot be with because he has had an affair. Marcie, Linda’s young daughter, attempts to grasp the separation of her parents, but due to her age is still unable to understand why her family has been “torn apart,” as her mother refuses to explain the situation, but reassures her that it is not her fault. The story takes place as Linda and Marcie are on the train ride back to Baltimore from D.C. where Linda brings Marcie every weekend so that she can visit her father.

I like the way Joann begins her story in the middle of the train ride and then unfolds the back-story of Linda’s divorce as the story progresses. I also think Joann did a good job capturing the voice of Marcie, the young child. I don’t mind the topic of divorce, but I think since it is so often spoken/written about, one needs to take extra care to avoid seeming contrived/predictable/script-like. I think the story could be improved if Joann gave her characters more substance and focused on internal dialogue. Though Linda is given a bit of back-story and emotion, by the end of the story, I’m still not really left with a good sense of who she is, why she is that way, and why I should care about her and her sadness. Also, I think there is definitely a lot of room to expand on Marcie’s character. I think, even at 6 or 7 (which I’m assuming is about how old Marcie is supposed to be) children are more aware of what’s going on around them than adults give them credit for. Even if, due to her age, some of her perceptions are a little bit skewed, I think showing the reader a little more of Marcie’s thoughts/feelings, etc. would add depth to her character and the story as a whole. Also, I think it would be good if Joann focused on showing, with action and details, the situation/emotion, etc. she’s trying to convey as opposed to pointedly telling the reader what is going on.