My Daddy's Cologne By: Kenneth Seivers
I think this idea and outline of this story has much potential and meaning. The main character is trying to remember his father through his cologne, and do what his father would of done. Although, I do have a difficult time trying to follow this story, for example how is the main character stealing comic books while he is still in diapers? I also find it very awkward that you say the character's age is 58 months, he's walking, stealing, brushing his own teeth, taking showers, and making his mom change his diaper. I also think you should change where the main character hides his father's cologne, I think it's kind of strange that that he hides it inside his diaper. I think this story has a good outline and is good idea, i just think there are a few things you should work on.
The Education of Mary By:Mary Hauf
I find this story to be an outline or synopsis of a memoir/biography. I do like how you generally tell what happened, but on the flip side you need more details of specific events or actions. I think that would make this story even stronger. For example, you say you learned strength, describer a specific event where you gained that quality. I would also describe in more detail about your first chemistry class, what do you remember most , not just your final grade? Lastly, I would add descriptions of physical features of Karey when she was born and even her father. I think this story has much potential to be a memoir, I would just add a few more stronger details.
Stubborn Fifty Mile Trail By: Jackie Quattrochi
I really enjoyed reading this story and the feelings behind the fifty mile trail. I also liked how much dialogue you added which made me think that I'm right there with you on the trail. Also, when you feel the pain in your knee and hip, it was as if I was almost feeling it too. What I would change about is maybe you should add more details about the trail. What does the trail look like? Describe the stream that you cam across. Also, maybe you could talk about your bike and if it's significant to your life in anyway. Lastly, I would add some action or "story" on the trail, like maybe your boyfriend fell into the stream or you got separated and lost on the trail. It may make your story even stronger.
A Morning in Tangiers By: Jim Bouder
I think this story is really great, and I like it because of all the details you added. I think the way you describe and the adjectives you use to describe Abe Wellington's small apartment in Tangiers, his everyday routine, the dialogue he has with his friends, and also what happened in Folly Beach South Carolina on April 26, 1954 makes this a very strong and compelling story. Also, when i was reading this story I could feel the bond Abe had with his friends , how much they meant to him and his life, and also how understanding they were when find out about Abe's past. Lastly, the strongest moment and what makes this story as strong as it can be is when the main character describes what happened in South Caroline 43 years ago.
Playing Dangerously By: Sam Weber
I like the idea of this story, two young boys looking for an adventure to stay away from boredom. I think when we were all kids we can relate to this in some way. I liked your descriptions of the warehouse they climb into and how excited they feel. I also think you did a great job describing the homeless man who called the warehouse his home. Indeed, I think the strongest point and climax of your story is when the two boys come across the man and he pushes the frightened boys to the ground. The only thing I would correct would be the grammatical errors with your dialogue, it makes it a bit difficult to understand.
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