Carr's Review of Taj's poem 9/29

To: Taj
From: Carr

Re: “Museless”

Taj,

There are some things working well here in your poem, “Museless,” a poem about a phenomenon most writers are familiar with: the loss of inspiration. This is a good topic to explore because it isn’t only relevant to writers. All people experience a loss of motivation or direction at some point in their lives. These are the kind of situations that can make us doubt ourselves and fill us with fear. All good stuff for the writers to speak up on.

OK. The two things I like best right now are the title and the last stanza. The title has a great sound. It evokes in me a sense that there is another word I can’t quite place, a word I expect to be there instead of “Museless,” which is a nice effect for the content. And the last stanza is where your best writing is. There you talk about “the nine” muses, and you close with your best line: “nebulous within the ether.” That’s really nice.

So think about a few things for revision. First, the language of the poem needs some work. This doesn’t sound like you: “Upon this chair I sit.” That sounds like someone imitating a poet from the 18th century or something. Use your own voice. Authenticity is always more poetic than stilted language. I would also suggest really playing with the muses. I think you will find a nice frame for the poem if you exploit the individual names and use their characteristics to show some of your own life and inner workings.

All right. So keep working on this one. It has some potential. Good luck

CK