Critique of Mia’s poem
This poem was written with a lot of passion and conviction that came across very honest down to earth real and easy to relate to. I really didn’t feel the title because it didn’t capture for me all the gut wrenching emotions that were displayed. The author has a certain wit about herself that translates to her poetry that gives it a very inquisitive factor. Or in plain language, it makes me want to read and be taken away with the words. Poetry that I find easy to relate is usually those that have an unapologetic voice for whatever the subject matter. That confidence (which is also intertwined with vulnerability) is very attractive. For example, if I was having a great day, or if I was having awful day, strong words formed together have the capability to change that instantly. I really like how the poem continues, pass the required amount of words that define a poem. I found that poems of greater length separate the range on different authors. Although less can be more, my favorite’s poets had a lot to say and appeared without a platform to display it. I was reading Maya Angelou yesterday, and I was surprised with some of the similarities. She also has a very distinctive voice, but her poems usually entail a solution and that is where you differ. (At least in this piece). That suggestion alone sums up my overall take on where it is coming from and where it needs to go. My ear was fine tuned for the range of emotions that were sympathetic, as well as empathetic, intoxicating joy and seductive hopeless. Don’t lose that touch – the ability to connect.
Dennis Johnson
The poem leads into an imaginary scene that I built up in my mind of the author literally working on a damn. She illustrates how tedious the labor is, and in turn how it has taken a toll on her because the effort she has put in. It gives very strong descriptive word and has a poetic flow that is easy to read, but more important build a scene. The author begins the second stanza with “I carved out my new shelter in the desert”, and although I was not completely sure at the time what it meant, I liked it. It is that kind of language that makes the poem cohesive. At that time I also got the impression that she is referring to something else, but was not totally sure. The thought did run through mind that the labor in which she writes of maybe a relationship of some sort. I spent more time concentrating on what exactly is trying to convey to the reader with the line “the incessant effort to keep building up the grade.” The very next line makes a clear reference to her life spring, and at this point I am pretty sure that the poem is romantic in nature. It could be a metaphor about God as well, but my intuition leans me toward a past lover. I also like the smile she used “two nights ago my levee sprang a leak. She sums up the poem with a wonderful metaphor- dealing with natural disaster. The poem obvious has a lot of depth, and can easily be appreciated on so many different levels. My one suggestion: at the end of the poem, I could not say with an absolute surety that she experienced love, things fell apart and now she is alone to repair the damage. That’s what I’m thinking, but I would prefer a little more insight to be able to say my hunch is correct.
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