Critique of Stephanie's Poem

The Atlantic: Part One, Stephanie’s Poem, can be described easily as a metaphor utilizing the ocean. This poem seems to be about some downfall of sorts. The author is on an ocean, and it appears to be storming or clouding over. The tone grows dark, and there seems to be a lot of regret. It seems as if the author has failed, or their dreams have come to an end. Something clearly bad has happened. And it also appears as if the author is reaching out to someone. I can’t tell if this person is hurting the author or helping them. But it seems that there’s a strong emotional bond between the two.

Now, the first thing I noticed about this poem was that there are no capital letters, save for any “I” words, however the capitalization of I isn’t consistent, so I can’t tell if this was stylistic in choice, or for an intentional purpose.

The second thing I noticed was a lack of concrete details. While there are some comparisons of bones to a capsizing bow, these details are infrequent, and most of the poem is a haze of abstractness. It’s too vague and hard to relate to for this reason. From the author’s standpoint, I can see how this would not seem so, but for someone with absolutely no idea of the perspective that created this piece, we have nothing to go on but what has been written, and what has been written is not enough. It’s just too vague.

I would focus on developing more concrete details, perhaps using actions or objects that you would find out on sea and compare them to the abstract that you’re trying to reach. Because as it is, there’s not too much to go on. I also had a problem reading some lines. They felt incomplete or fragmented. For example, “as the pressure the capsizing bow” is too off for me. It starts off, “This latest lie’s another sin, stretched out across my bones as the pressure the capsizing bow.” I would think that you would place an “of” between “pressure” and “the”. It didn’t sound right, and I was jarred when reading.

I would focus most on making the world of this poem concrete and substantial. Then it might bring things into focus. As it is now, it’s just too hazy for me to read, personally.